their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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