just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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