Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
