I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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