So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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