I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
