and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
