Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
