fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
