He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
