i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
