Michael Bay diarrhea
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm bleeding and have questions
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
