I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
