grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
