The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
