we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
