Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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