Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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