she woke up with a sticky ear
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
