i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
