she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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