last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
