The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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