just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
