hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
