Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
