i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
