Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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