I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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