The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
