I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
