Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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