Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
