Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
