I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
