I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
