sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
