He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
