im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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