I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
