Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
