Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
