1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
