Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
