You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
