clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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