why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
