Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
