Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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