So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There are leaves in my underwear?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
