Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
